Hello hoolahoopers, this pooperscooper is super duper stoked to poke a bloke with a yoke, no joke.
Wait, what?
Ok, now that we are all confused, we can begin. I like to be in sync with my readers before starting something new. Since I'm in an eternal state of confusion, I decided to drag you all down to my level.
¿Welcome?
No, not like that, never like that
I wrote a short story to introduce a character that popped into my mindspace recently. I hope you enjoy it. I call this series(a written commitment to write more - in one word) “Groking Good".
The First Fifty Five
We find ourselves in a classroom, much like any other, chalkboard up front, all chairs facing towards it, a desk for the teacher, not much else. The seats are full of people who are all in a state of confusion as to how they ended up in this room. Some are discussing the last place they remember being. Some are a bit dazed, as if they were still waking up and were denied coffee. Some are focused on the windows, light is coming in, but no details of what is on the other side of the glass can be made out. The full room, maybe 55 people, and is buzzing with chatter and oddly, smells of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.
One man stands out, not only due to his position near the teacher's desk. There is an almost perceptible light, which seems to both come from the man and be shining through him from behind. Unlike the seated people, who are dressed in various early 21st century fashions, he wears a long deep indigo robe, almost to the floor, with long sleeves and a cowl, thrown back around his shoulders. His hair seems to be made of all the colors human hair can be, with no discernable pattern, except for a stripe of white in his long curly beard, beginning just under his lower lip.
As more start to notice this out of place figure, it becomes quieter until, one by one, each and every person is looking at the strange man, in silence.
“Now that I have your attention, we can begin. I am called Neander, and you lot have been personally selected to join me in an adventure of the grandest scale. To save the Universe! Well, more precisely, to save YOUR universe, mine is just fine, and if you were previously unaware, there is more than one, there are an untold number of them in fact. I would say an infinite number, but even the math nerds in my universe argue infinity to be unprovable. Anyway, I'm sure you have many more important questions than the intricacies of what your people call multi-verse theory. Like, why am I here, what does this guy want and where is here? All good questions, which I'll do my best to answer succinctly, in reverse order.
‘Here’, as in this aparent classroom, is a pocket universe created as a bridge between our 2 worlds /planes /dimensions, whichever word is easier for you to grasp. This room is outside time and space, when you return to your world no aging will have occurred and you will each be returned exactly where and when I ‘borrowed' you. Sorry to those of you who were asleep, you will be returned awake, which will be to your benefit if you choose to accept my offer of assistance. You are going to want to makes some notes when you return. The notes are crucial to binding this information in your mind.
What do I want? To complete my sentence successfully and be allowed to return to my world with my freedom restored. You see, I am in a rehabilitation program for recovering megalomaniacs. The short version is, I collapsed several timelines and thus am being charged with the murder of many actual and potential innocent lives. Because my people dislike killing, they came up with a novel judgment. I am to save a timeline on the verge of collapsing on it's own, to make up for the ones I destroyed.
Which brings me to why I chose each one of you. After sitting in this pocket universe turned prison, I looked at the hows and whys of yours collapsing. Each one of you were selected because you have good solid minds, a sense of who you are as a person, and an openness to new experiences and possibilities. These are vital traits in the coming hardships and training that will follow. The hardships WILL come, the training is your choice.
I'm sure you have MANY more questions now. I will attempt to sweep most of them from your minds by answering this one. How are any of the things you said possible? I dislike the word because of how flipantly most of your people use it, but none fit better. Magic. You see, I am a reality bender, or witch in your terms, oo-ee-cha, the old word for witch, means one who bends reality. I like your world’s term of mage or magus, if you prefer, but witch is more accurate and descriptive.”
As Neander started into a longwinded rant about something to do with potentiality as a function of all atoms, one of the group stood up and said “Nope, this dream is too crazy, I'm out.” Neander stopped speaking and started laughing so hard he doubled over and started gasping for air between fits and bursts. The middle-aged, plainly dressed man(some would describe his style as neo-hippie) looked confused as he stood there, trying to push his finger THROUGH his hand with no success.
Neander finally regained composure and said, “my dear fellow, this is not a dream, as much as I appreciate your knowledge of dream skills and the attempt to go lucid. You are all really here. AND, this goes for each of you not just, what is your name sir?”
“Jeffrey" he replied.
Neander continued, “Right, a pleasure to meet you Jeffery. Now Jeff here, and the rest of you will likely want some form of proof you were here. While I could give you some trinket, as it would be created by my magic, it would quickly fade from your world. This is complicated to explain, for now I will say it is due to magic, as a power each and every person has access to, is being dampened due to your world's deeply entrenched belief that magic is not real or possible. Which is itself a form of magic. Not everyone, but too many believe this currently.
Suffice it to say, I recommend your mementos of proof should be in the form of a physical alteration. Nothing drastic like cutting off a toe or something. I suggest each of you take your right pinky fingernail and bite it down very short. As a bonus if you leave that nail on your chair before you leave, it will help bind a stronger connection to this place and after more training, each of you will be able to bring yourselves here at will. I am not asking you to decide now and the omni-versal laws of free will and of cause and effect apply even here. One of the reasons you were each selected is you inner desire to find a teacher, which gave me permission to bring you here to consider my offer.”
Jeff, being skeptical still, and the only one that seemed to be able to move and speak, asked, “what happens if we reject your offer? Are you gonna kill us or wipe our memory or something?”
“A valid concern." The witch replied. “Besides the case that I would fail my task by harming any innocent in your universe, I would be violating your free will, by either stealing your life or by stealing your memories. These would both be bad for me and for your universe. If you choose to decline my offer, I will return your nail biting and you can go back to your life with no alterations. Just know that your universe IS in peril and you CAN help save it.
Now then, I have given you enough to mull over. I will be sending you each back to your place and time. We will meet here again after 48 hours of your time, for your decisions and the start of training in reality bending for those that desire it.”
With a smirk and a nod, Neander emptied the room of all but Jeffrey and 54 pieces of pinky nails.
“Jeff my good man, before I send you back, we need to discuss your strong willpower. It is both a great asset and a minor detriment with regard to your training.”
Jeffrey eagerly replied, “Why does it smell like cookies in here, wait I have so many more important questions first.”
“I'm sure you do.” Neander placated.
/end scene
/starwipe fade
/cue cheesy classy Benny Hill type music.
Next time on Groking Good,
-more details on reality bending
-an explanation of the laws of free will and of cause and effect, from Neander's perspective
Why was Jeff the only other one who spoke?
Will Jeff get a cookie?
All this and more will be revealed in episode 2 - Who stole the cookie and the cookie jar. (Probably NOT the episode title)
heh dementions : dimensions
ehhh....... crose enough
Neander don't meander. Fo' shizzle, my Quisle, Neander use ta be a Quisling. Now he sing a diff-rent tune. They will too soon, they all may be a jackwagon potential Professor Snape. I am agape. All 55 ov'em, though I trepidate at the "Double Nickel" referent which kinda leaves me bent, it sowing some dissention wif its W.I.N. and M.E.O.W. Jimmah Carter dimension. "Oo-ee-cha-cha-cha", I do roundly RAH!
Back in 1972, recently returned from 2 years shelling Vietnam with Naval artillery, I was stationed in the middle of San Francisco Bay on Treasure Island Naval Base undergoing conversion training to an Electronic Warfare rating from an Operations Specialist rating. The base was in between two great colonies of Hippiedom, 'Frisco & the East Bay. I met people like Jeff. Though he might have called himself Geoff. We were different, to be sure, but deep down inside the same. Just people. Some things were different, like hygiene, haircuts and lingo. But I can recall sitting outside on the sidewalk of a pizza bistro in Berkeley having a beer and pizza. At that moment the difference was that I had a job & cash, Jeff didn't. The similarity was that Jeff and I were hungry. Jeff stopped by my table and said, "Could you share a slice, man?". He did look hungry. I sat him down, bought him a beer and shared the pizza with him. His table manners were as good as mine. I suspect his childhood had been the same as mine. Just different roads taken...probably to the same ultimate destination. Yeah, the hippies were different. So was I, a sailor. Back then diversity was different, I say even kinder and gentler.