An Interdimensional Beef

Boss Level Cowtastrophies Averted, No Bull.

WARNING! this article is not suitable for the weak hearted, COWards and the pun averse. Reader discretion is advised.

“Truth is stranger than fiction,” a sentiment that people can see more clearly with each passing day, does not even begin to help us grok the world of lies that we navigate. This tale begins in the not so distant past, but has hidden strings that stretch back in time beyond what recorded history has offered. This article aims to show you some of those strings.

Cows

The battle is ongoing.

The modern cow is a mostly peaceful, docile animal that feeds millions of people. From fields of green grass, these gentle giants transform inedible pastures into milk and meat that much of the world relies on for sustenance. But there is a dark side to the bovine. Hidden so deep, only hints are left of what happened.

The UFO Link

As disclosure has begun about UFOs and whatever other terminology used, we should begin with the real truth. Cows, bison, buffalo and their relatives, ARE NOT OF THIS WORLD! We homo sapiens have been at war with the IBF(Interdimensional Bovine Federation) for a very long time. People have become soft, thinking this conflict was over, but clues that should have woken us up to the very real and present danger, have been systematically hidden and suppressed. Bipedal aliens have been blamed for cattle mutilations all across the world. The truth is these cattle killings were actually evidence of battles and failed rescue attempts by the IBF to bring back their enslaved kine. Yes, mankind enslaved and domesticated them, because they would have done the same and worse to us, had they won. Just look at India, an entire civilization STILL suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. The IBF were stopped by the real earth heroes, secret military groups that have dedicated and given their own lives to protect us from another invasion. The American branch is colloquially known as NOBEEF(National Ongoing Bovine Eradication and Enslavement Force) and is part of the global effort, known as BBQ (Battalions for Bovine Quarantine).

Cattle Battles For Freedom

Our ancestors saved us from having to face this!

America’s independence was part of the Cattle Wars, pitting those that wanted to be free to live as they saw fit, against Bovine and British rule. That’s right, the Monarchy are the IBF’s agents and are responsible many cow-trosities, such as influencing Hinduism to regard the cow as sacred. The royals are rumored to be cow/people hybrids, but they could just be cud-loving traitors. Sad fact, Princess Diana was killed for trying to free the English people from their yolks of oppression.

When George Washington famously crossed the Delaware river, it was to drive the British and bovine forces back from the waterways to cut off their support from sea. The enemy forces were driven back to their last stronghold, Buffalo, NY. The last major confrontation was when the US government slaughtered most of the American buffalo population. The cover story claims it was done to cripple the last independent native tribes. While this is partially true, those tribes were allied with the IBF. It was REALLY a defensive actions in response to IBF battle cattle that were sent as reinforcements for their allied buffalo whisperers.

American independence was a major turning point in this conflict, which was won in no small measure thanks to a condiment that most people have in their cupboards today, barbeque sauce. More specifically, the combination of vinegar, molasses and hot peppers was ox-identally discovered to not only be deadly to our cud chewing would-be oppressors, but the smell drove them mad with hunger(the real cause of mad cow disease). Their troops were decimated once we deployed this ultimate, delicious weapon. The reason New York is not famous for barbeque, unlike many other places in the US, is because the sauce’s potency as a weapon was not discovered until after Washington had scattered the herd. Any city that is famous for barbeque, had it’s own battles with the bovine menace. Had we better documentation, I speculate that a map could be drawn showing how mankind pushed the herd further west, just by tracing historically famous bbq joints.

A glorious victory for mankind!

The Bad Actors

This war is far from over, so I would like to point out some of the traitors to mankind. Now that you have been informed of the truth, the actions these traitors have taken should make more sense. Ted Turner (or Ted Turncoat as NOBEEF called him) was famous for “saving” the American buffalo. He also created several tv networks that have a strong pro bovine bias, CNN(Cow News Network) being just one example. Bill Gates and his GMO ticks that make people allergic to eating meat is another example of COWruption of the rich and powerful(not to mention COWVID 19). And don’t even get me started on the followers of Moohammad, why do you think they hate dogs? Dogs and cows are natural enemies.

Surviving Traditions

Japan had its own battle that led to the tradition in Kobe that has become world famous. The American tradition of outdoor barbequing of beef is a direct taunt and warning to the IBF to not try to invade ever again, because we are ready to deploy the sauce, anytime, anywhere!(Earth is constantly monitored from space to watch for any weakness, such as forced vegetarianism.) So the next time you are having a beef based meal or are at barbeque, remember to thank The Creator for the brave men and women of BBQ and NOBEEF. May their sacrifices never be forgotten!

This story made possible by my un-label-able imagination and inspiration from this silly video shared by The Starfire Codes , link here. If you ever find yourself in a situation where Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo, it’s time for BBQ sauce!

No cattle were harmed in the making of this article, unfortunately. But hopefully it inspires more to take up the fight against bovine aggression.

A special shoutout and thanks to cattle ranchers, worldwide. Guarding prisoners is a humble, thankless job.

This is a work of fiction, if you couldn’t tell.

I will accept GROAN as a complement in the comments, whether you meant it as one or not. Thanks in advance!